“It’s beginning to look a lot like . . .”

2 12 2005

Hello, and welcome to December. My poor livejournal has been sorely neglected of late, so I thought I’d stop by and up a date or two.

A big choreography project is consuming most of my time right now. This week I spent about four hours a day at the high school rehearsing dances with the choir for their Christmas program. (This is the South. We can still say “Christmas,” even in public school.) Some of my usual activities have fallen temporarily by the wayside, but that’s okay. I LOVE working with those kids. Wow. They’re funny, talented, appreciative, and oh-so cool.

I also cleaned my house this week. I mean really cleaned it. Cleared clutter. Got rid of junk. Dug the dust out of the corners. Nothing like the prospect of three big Christmas parties to kick the old cleaning machine in gear. But now the house is lemony fresh and sparkling with Christmas cheer.

Between dancing and cleaning, I haven’t done much writing. I also haven’t kept up with all the hubbub that passes for news in this crazy world. Consequently, the big hoo-hah over retailers using “holiday” instead of “Christmas” almost escaped my notice. Almost, but alas, not entirely.

If you feel indignant and upset about this, please forgive my casual attitude. I just don’t get what the big deal is. People who love Jesus will celebrate Him. Lots of other people will still say “Merry Christmas” but won’t think about the manger and shepherds and wisemen when they do. And others will say “Happy Hanukkah” or whatever phrase fits their worldview. I do not personally feel threatened by this. Nor do I think the word “Christmas” in a Target advertisement somehow sanctifies the company’s marketing team. It’s a business, for Pete’s sake. Not a church.

The whole debate seems like an absurd waste of energy to me. Today while working out I amused myself by rewriting the lyrics to a number of “holiday” carols to make them politically correct. (Yes, yes. I know “politically correct” is no longer politically correct. It’s “socially aware” now, or some such. More fodder for mental entertainment.) If you’re worried about the demise of “Christmas,” try singing a few seasonal favorites without using the “C” word. It’s kind of fun.

Example:

It’s beginning to look a lot like winter
Everywhere you go
There’s a tree in the grand hotel
A menorah in the park as well
And Kwanzaa decorations all aglow

And here’s my favorite homogenized line from Silver Bells:

“In the air there’s a feeling of coldness.” Meaningful, isn’t it?

I could go on, but why spoil your fun? Try it. And if you come up with a good “socially aware holiday” carol, post a verse in the comments section. I need to build my repertoire before we don our gay apparel and take this show door to door.


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42 responses

2 12 2005
notjusta

I gladly join the campaign to update these so-called “timeless classics.” Here is my first improvement:

I heard the bells one winter day,
Their tintinnabulations play,
All keeping time in Runic rhyme,
The bells bells bells bells bells, bells bells!

Some might argue that this modification went too far, but the word “carols” in the second line had too close a connotation to that other “C” word, so I scrubbed it just in case. The rest of the verse followed naturally, which is a great improvement on the original since it heightens literary awareness with reference to other important works of fiction.

Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Prospero año y Felicidad

I want to wish you a Happy Hanukkah
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
I want to wish you a Jovial Kwanzaa
From the bottom of my heart

And finally, my personal favorite:

Oh tree
Oh tree
How lovely are thy branches

Trees of all ethnicity may now be considered lovely during this holiday season.

Okay, that was more than “a verse,” but I think I may be forgiven for needing a creative outlet in the midst of studying for finals. Thank you for the lovely idea! It was great fun. Bah humbug.

2 12 2005
notjusta

I gladly join the campaign to update these so-called “timeless classics.” Here is my first improvement:

I heard the bells one winter day,
Their tintinnabulations play,
All keeping time in Runic rhyme,
The bells bells bells bells bells, bells bells!

Some might argue that this modification went too far, but the word “carols” in the second line had too close a connotation to that other “C” word, so I scrubbed it just in case. The rest of the verse followed naturally, which is a great improvement on the original since it heightens literary awareness with reference to other important works of fiction.

Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Prospero año y Felicidad

I want to wish you a Happy Hanukkah
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
I want to wish you a Jovial Kwanzaa
From the bottom of my heart

And finally, my personal favorite:

Oh tree
Oh tree
How lovely are thy branches

Trees of all ethnicity may now be considered lovely during this holiday season.

Okay, that was more than “a verse,” but I think I may be forgiven for needing a creative outlet in the midst of studying for finals. Thank you for the lovely idea! It was great fun. Bah humbug.

2 12 2005
notjusta

I gladly join the campaign to update these so-called “timeless classics.” Here is my first improvement:

I heard the bells one winter day,
Their tintinnabulations play,
All keeping time in Runic rhyme,
The bells bells bells bells bells, bells bells!

Some might argue that this modification went too far, but the word “carols” in the second line had too close a connotation to that other “C” word, so I scrubbed it just in case. The rest of the verse followed naturally, which is a great improvement on the original since it heightens literary awareness with reference to other important works of fiction.

Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Felices fiestas
Prospero año y Felicidad

I want to wish you a Happy Hanukkah
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
I want to wish you a Jovial Kwanzaa
From the bottom of my heart

And finally, my personal favorite:

Oh tree
Oh tree
How lovely are thy branches

Trees of all ethnicity may now be considered lovely during this holiday season.

Okay, that was more than “a verse,” but I think I may be forgiven for needing a creative outlet in the midst of studying for finals. Thank you for the lovely idea! It was great fun. Bah humbug.

2 12 2005
armored_mind

I think that I will now declare Santa Claus a mythical deity, and therefore the object of a religion. It is now offensive to me for anyone to mention his name, threatening my aclausistic beleifs. Therefore I have rewritten one of the more popular songs.


Up on the housetop saucers pause
Out jumps good ol’d aliens
Down through the chimney with knives and guns
All for the tasty fat hu-mans

Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Up on the housetop zip zip zip,
Taking all the humans into the ship.

Now, I realize that aliens may constitute an offensive religion for some others in this country, so I have developed variations of this song that involve either Republicans or Democrats, depending on the audience.

So, Have a happy december everyone! (that’s an ok greeting, isn’t it?)

2 12 2005
armored_mind

I think that I will now declare Santa Claus a mythical deity, and therefore the object of a religion. It is now offensive to me for anyone to mention his name, threatening my aclausistic beleifs. Therefore I have rewritten one of the more popular songs.


Up on the housetop saucers pause
Out jumps good ol’d aliens
Down through the chimney with knives and guns
All for the tasty fat hu-mans

Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Up on the housetop zip zip zip,
Taking all the humans into the ship.

Now, I realize that aliens may constitute an offensive religion for some others in this country, so I have developed variations of this song that involve either Republicans or Democrats, depending on the audience.

So, Have a happy december everyone! (that’s an ok greeting, isn’t it?)

2 12 2005
armored_mind

I think that I will now declare Santa Claus a mythical deity, and therefore the object of a religion. It is now offensive to me for anyone to mention his name, threatening my aclausistic beleifs. Therefore I have rewritten one of the more popular songs.


Up on the housetop saucers pause
Out jumps good ol’d aliens
Down through the chimney with knives and guns
All for the tasty fat hu-mans

Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Yo ho ho
Who wouldn’t go
Up on the housetop zip zip zip,
Taking all the humans into the ship.

Now, I realize that aliens may constitute an offensive religion for some others in this country, so I have developed variations of this song that involve either Republicans or Democrats, depending on the audience.

So, Have a happy december everyone! (that’s an ok greeting, isn’t it?)

2 12 2005
Anonymous

O Christmas night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Santa travels o’er the earth
Long lay the world
For Christmas presents pining
‘Til he appeared and the soul felt his mirth

The thrill of hope,
The world, for gifts, rejoices
For yonder brings a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees
Oh, hear the children’s voices
O’ night benign
O’ night when all adorn
O’ night sublime
O’ night,
O’ night begin

–Taylor V. Smith

2 12 2005
Anonymous

O Christmas night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Santa travels o’er the earth
Long lay the world
For Christmas presents pining
‘Til he appeared and the soul felt his mirth

The thrill of hope,
The world, for gifts, rejoices
For yonder brings a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees
Oh, hear the children’s voices
O’ night benign
O’ night when all adorn
O’ night sublime
O’ night,
O’ night begin

–Taylor V. Smith

2 12 2005
Anonymous

O Christmas night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Santa travels o’er the earth
Long lay the world
For Christmas presents pining
‘Til he appeared and the soul felt his mirth

The thrill of hope,
The world, for gifts, rejoices
For yonder brings a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees
Oh, hear the children’s voices
O’ night benign
O’ night when all adorn
O’ night sublime
O’ night,
O’ night begin

–Taylor V. Smith

2 12 2005
notjusta

PETA’s two cents

It came upon a midnight clear
That barbarous sled of old
And Santa flying round the earth
With reindeer tired and cold
“Get on, ye beasts,” the old elf yelled,
“We’ve presents yet to ship!”
O’er earth a solemn stillness fell
To hear the reindeer whipped.

2 12 2005
notjusta

PETA’s two cents

It came upon a midnight clear
That barbarous sled of old
And Santa flying round the earth
With reindeer tired and cold
“Get on, ye beasts,” the old elf yelled,
“We’ve presents yet to ship!”
O’er earth a solemn stillness fell
To hear the reindeer whipped.

2 12 2005
notjusta

PETA’s two cents

It came upon a midnight clear
That barbarous sled of old
And Santa flying round the earth
With reindeer tired and cold
“Get on, ye beasts,” the old elf yelled,
“We’ve presents yet to ship!”
O’er earth a solemn stillness fell
To hear the reindeer whipped.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Fa la ha ha ha

100 points. 50 for “bells, bells, bells, bells, etc.” And another 50 for “Oh tree.” Big laughs over here. I knew you’d be good at this. 😉

Oh, and “tintinnabulations” is a 15-point word all by itself. Even fits the meter. Perfect!

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Fa la ha ha ha

100 points. 50 for “bells, bells, bells, bells, etc.” And another 50 for “Oh tree.” Big laughs over here. I knew you’d be good at this. 😉

Oh, and “tintinnabulations” is a 15-point word all by itself. Even fits the meter. Perfect!

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Fa la ha ha ha

100 points. 50 for “bells, bells, bells, bells, etc.” And another 50 for “Oh tree.” Big laughs over here. I knew you’d be good at this. 😉

Oh, and “tintinnabulations” is a 15-point word all by itself. Even fits the meter. Perfect!

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Okay, wow. Your carol is almost as creepy as your new user pic. Which means it will probably make the top 40 charts if you record it. You should get on that right away.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Okay, wow. Your carol is almost as creepy as your new user pic. Which means it will probably make the top 40 charts if you record it. You should get on that right away.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Okay, wow. Your carol is almost as creepy as your new user pic. Which means it will probably make the top 40 charts if you record it. You should get on that right away.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Still too edgy?

Nicely done, Taylor. I especially like “benign” for “divine.” Big improvement. Except we’re going to have to put a parental advisory on this and give it an “O” rating for “Offensive.” You used the “C” word twice.

I realize I’m treading on your creative freedom here, but if you’ll change those two references, we can lower that rating to an “M” for “Meaningless.” You could use “winter” on the first; the second is a bit more challenging. Maybe “lots of”? Your call.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Still too edgy?

Nicely done, Taylor. I especially like “benign” for “divine.” Big improvement. Except we’re going to have to put a parental advisory on this and give it an “O” rating for “Offensive.” You used the “C” word twice.

I realize I’m treading on your creative freedom here, but if you’ll change those two references, we can lower that rating to an “M” for “Meaningless.” You could use “winter” on the first; the second is a bit more challenging. Maybe “lots of”? Your call.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Still too edgy?

Nicely done, Taylor. I especially like “benign” for “divine.” Big improvement. Except we’re going to have to put a parental advisory on this and give it an “O” rating for “Offensive.” You used the “C” word twice.

I realize I’m treading on your creative freedom here, but if you’ll change those two references, we can lower that rating to an “M” for “Meaningless.” You could use “winter” on the first; the second is a bit more challenging. Maybe “lots of”? Your call.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Re: PETA’s two cents

Another keeper. You crack me up, sir. I’m thinking this idea could fly as an actual recording project. Sort of a Weird Al meets Handel thing. Maybe? Or not.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Re: PETA’s two cents

Another keeper. You crack me up, sir. I’m thinking this idea could fly as an actual recording project. Sort of a Weird Al meets Handel thing. Maybe? Or not.

3 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Re: PETA’s two cents

Another keeper. You crack me up, sir. I’m thinking this idea could fly as an actual recording project. Sort of a Weird Al meets Handel thing. Maybe? Or not.

3 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: Still too edgy?

Oh, you’re right. I have left far too much meaning in this song. Yet, I have seen the error of my ways. Find the corrected version on my cd release: “I’ll Be House for Seasonal.”

Ha ha…

–Taylor V. Smith

3 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: Still too edgy?

Oh, you’re right. I have left far too much meaning in this song. Yet, I have seen the error of my ways. Find the corrected version on my cd release: “I’ll Be House for Seasonal.”

Ha ha…

–Taylor V. Smith

3 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: Still too edgy?

Oh, you’re right. I have left far too much meaning in this song. Yet, I have seen the error of my ways. Find the corrected version on my cd release: “I’ll Be House for Seasonal.”

Ha ha…

–Taylor V. Smith

3 12 2005
notjusta

Re: PETA’s two cents

Don’t encourage me any more, please! I really have to study… 🙂

3 12 2005
notjusta

Re: PETA’s two cents

Don’t encourage me any more, please! I really have to study… 🙂

3 12 2005
notjusta

Re: PETA’s two cents

Don’t encourage me any more, please! I really have to study… 🙂

4 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: PETA’s two cents

See what happens when you miss a couple of weeks of computer noodling? You guys/girls are goooooood.

Mike

4 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: PETA’s two cents

See what happens when you miss a couple of weeks of computer noodling? You guys/girls are goooooood.

Mike

4 12 2005
Anonymous

Re: PETA’s two cents

See what happens when you miss a couple of weeks of computer noodling? You guys/girls are goooooood.

Mike

5 12 2005
armored_mind

The First Yodel the Austrian did sing
Was to certain poor Yeti in caves as they lay
In caves where they lay keeping their ice
On a cold winter’s night that was so nice

Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel
Here is the Yeti and boy does he smell

5 12 2005
armored_mind

The First Yodel the Austrian did sing
Was to certain poor Yeti in caves as they lay
In caves where they lay keeping their ice
On a cold winter’s night that was so nice

Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel
Here is the Yeti and boy does he smell

5 12 2005
armored_mind

The First Yodel the Austrian did sing
Was to certain poor Yeti in caves as they lay
In caves where they lay keeping their ice
On a cold winter’s night that was so nice

Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel
Here is the Yeti and boy does he smell

5 12 2005
armored_mind

Re: Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Heheh, I’ll get right on that 🙂

5 12 2005
armored_mind

Re: Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Heheh, I’ll get right on that 🙂

5 12 2005
armored_mind

Re: Aclaustrophobia = afraid of Santa in tight spaces

Heheh, I’ll get right on that 🙂

6 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Ah, yes. I like the way you have to pronounce “yodel” as “yo-dell” for the proper effect. Sort of adds to the inanity of the whole deal. Good job. 🙂

6 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Ah, yes. I like the way you have to pronounce “yodel” as “yo-dell” for the proper effect. Sort of adds to the inanity of the whole deal. Good job. 🙂

6 12 2005
jeannedamoff

Ah, yes. I like the way you have to pronounce “yodel” as “yo-dell” for the proper effect. Sort of adds to the inanity of the whole deal. Good job. 🙂

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