tough beans

17 01 2006

Last night George made chili. It was quite tasty and altogether satisfying, except for one tiny episode. There the three of us sat, spooning dainty mouthfuls of steaming chili into our dainty mouths, when Jacob suddenly stiffened, slammed his spoon down, and bellowed, “Bad bean!”

If there’s one thing Jacob doesn’t like, it’s dropping food in his lap. I daintily lowered my own spoon which had halted halfway to my dainty mouth. “Bad indeed! I bet that bean starting scheming as soon as it found itself in your spoon. It patiently watched, peeking over the edge, waiting till it could clearly see your lap. Then it laughed–ha HA!–and leapt upon your unsuspecting leg.”

“Evil bean!” Jacob said.

“Malicious,” I agreed.

George removed the offending bean from Jacob’s napkin, and dinner resumed. I’m glad to report no additional legume mischief threatened the ambiance of our dining experience. We live in an increasingly dangerous world. Keep your eyes open, my friends. One can never tell when a bean will snap.


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48 responses

17 01 2006
furiavriel

i had baked beans for breakfast this morning, i put them on my toast. it was good.

love,
luke

17 01 2006
furiavriel

i had baked beans for breakfast this morning, i put them on my toast. it was good.

love,
luke

17 01 2006
furiavriel

i had baked beans for breakfast this morning, i put them on my toast. it was good.

love,
luke

17 01 2006
Anonymous

Who’s trick?

Was this learned from the Irish or the English during your summer travels?
Or nigh-ther? Rather, was it an original concoction?
Your admiring Pa

17 01 2006
Anonymous

Who’s trick?

Was this learned from the Irish or the English during your summer travels?
Or nigh-ther? Rather, was it an original concoction?
Your admiring Pa

17 01 2006
Anonymous

Who’s trick?

Was this learned from the Irish or the English during your summer travels?
Or nigh-ther? Rather, was it an original concoction?
Your admiring Pa

17 01 2006
kathrynlena

perhaps the bean was not evil at all, just misunderstood. maybe he had a horrible childhood, full of beanish nightmares and horrors. perhaps that leap was a last desperate attempt at freedom from oppression. or, more tragic yet, a final cry for help. i believe this bean should be mourned and our final tribute to his sorrowful life could be the continued strivence to give all beans we may encounter a kind look or a gentle smile, as well as direction and council wherever requested.
*sigh* poor, lonely, suicidal bean…

17 01 2006
kathrynlena

perhaps the bean was not evil at all, just misunderstood. maybe he had a horrible childhood, full of beanish nightmares and horrors. perhaps that leap was a last desperate attempt at freedom from oppression. or, more tragic yet, a final cry for help. i believe this bean should be mourned and our final tribute to his sorrowful life could be the continued strivence to give all beans we may encounter a kind look or a gentle smile, as well as direction and council wherever requested.
*sigh* poor, lonely, suicidal bean…

17 01 2006
kathrynlena

perhaps the bean was not evil at all, just misunderstood. maybe he had a horrible childhood, full of beanish nightmares and horrors. perhaps that leap was a last desperate attempt at freedom from oppression. or, more tragic yet, a final cry for help. i believe this bean should be mourned and our final tribute to his sorrowful life could be the continued strivence to give all beans we may encounter a kind look or a gentle smile, as well as direction and council wherever requested.
*sigh* poor, lonely, suicidal bean…

17 01 2006
Anonymous

the remainder of the story

Actually the bean ended up rolling off Jacob’s lap and came to a quite temporary rest at Jacob’s feet, yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat. Once Jacob declared the bean mean, I arose from my dining repose and snatched the solitary bean from the hard oak floor, tossed into our kitchen counter compost pail, where presently it resides. Unless mean Jean(ne) has dumped it in the compost bin in our backyard. The End, thus far.

17 01 2006
Anonymous

the remainder of the story

Actually the bean ended up rolling off Jacob’s lap and came to a quite temporary rest at Jacob’s feet, yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat. Once Jacob declared the bean mean, I arose from my dining repose and snatched the solitary bean from the hard oak floor, tossed into our kitchen counter compost pail, where presently it resides. Unless mean Jean(ne) has dumped it in the compost bin in our backyard. The End, thus far.

17 01 2006
Anonymous

the remainder of the story

Actually the bean ended up rolling off Jacob’s lap and came to a quite temporary rest at Jacob’s feet, yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat. Once Jacob declared the bean mean, I arose from my dining repose and snatched the solitary bean from the hard oak floor, tossed into our kitchen counter compost pail, where presently it resides. Unless mean Jean(ne) has dumped it in the compost bin in our backyard. The End, thus far.

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Oh dear. How could I be so insensitive? I’ve always considered myself an open-minded person, loving, immune to all forms of intolerance. And yet I fell prey to one of the worst forms of stereotyping. I guess, in the deepest places of my psyche, I harbor traces of bean bigotry ingrained in me by the influence of my old grendpeppy who used to sing over my cradle songs from his youth. Songs like, “Ain’t No Bean Gonna Go to Heaven” and “Low, Low, Low, the Lowly Legume Doth Grow.”

Thanks, Sister Kathryn, for setting a compassionate example. I think you should make every effort to let everyone see these kind looks and gentle smiles you offer the humble bean folk. And by all means, let the unenlightened masses hear your words of direction and council to beans in distress. I promise by doing so you will bring much joy to all.

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Oh dear. How could I be so insensitive? I’ve always considered myself an open-minded person, loving, immune to all forms of intolerance. And yet I fell prey to one of the worst forms of stereotyping. I guess, in the deepest places of my psyche, I harbor traces of bean bigotry ingrained in me by the influence of my old grendpeppy who used to sing over my cradle songs from his youth. Songs like, “Ain’t No Bean Gonna Go to Heaven” and “Low, Low, Low, the Lowly Legume Doth Grow.”

Thanks, Sister Kathryn, for setting a compassionate example. I think you should make every effort to let everyone see these kind looks and gentle smiles you offer the humble bean folk. And by all means, let the unenlightened masses hear your words of direction and council to beans in distress. I promise by doing so you will bring much joy to all.

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Oh dear. How could I be so insensitive? I’ve always considered myself an open-minded person, loving, immune to all forms of intolerance. And yet I fell prey to one of the worst forms of stereotyping. I guess, in the deepest places of my psyche, I harbor traces of bean bigotry ingrained in me by the influence of my old grendpeppy who used to sing over my cradle songs from his youth. Songs like, “Ain’t No Bean Gonna Go to Heaven” and “Low, Low, Low, the Lowly Legume Doth Grow.”

Thanks, Sister Kathryn, for setting a compassionate example. I think you should make every effort to let everyone see these kind looks and gentle smiles you offer the humble bean folk. And by all means, let the unenlightened masses hear your words of direction and council to beans in distress. I promise by doing so you will bring much joy to all.

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Nerd alert

“yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat”????

Um, George. Hate to tell ya, but most people don’t know what beans are wearing underneath their seed coats these days. However, if you say so, I’m sure cotelydons are the latest fashion in bean couture.

Anyhoo, if you deposited suicidal bean boy in the compost, he’s still there, no doubt resting and recuperating from his self-inflicted wounds. (And looking tres chic in his cotelydons, too.)

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Nerd alert

“yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat”????

Um, George. Hate to tell ya, but most people don’t know what beans are wearing underneath their seed coats these days. However, if you say so, I’m sure cotelydons are the latest fashion in bean couture.

Anyhoo, if you deposited suicidal bean boy in the compost, he’s still there, no doubt resting and recuperating from his self-inflicted wounds. (And looking tres chic in his cotelydons, too.)

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Nerd alert

“yet with both cotelydons still intact within it’s seed coat”????

Um, George. Hate to tell ya, but most people don’t know what beans are wearing underneath their seed coats these days. However, if you say so, I’m sure cotelydons are the latest fashion in bean couture.

Anyhoo, if you deposited suicidal bean boy in the compost, he’s still there, no doubt resting and recuperating from his self-inflicted wounds. (And looking tres chic in his cotelydons, too.)

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

You’re cute.

Love, Mz

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

You’re cute.

Love, Mz

17 01 2006
jeannedamoff

You’re cute.

Love, Mz

18 01 2006
furiavriel

Re: Who’s trick?

it was british styles beans and toast, i picked it up in england. you should definently try it sometime though. you just make regular old baked beans (a laBush’s or the nearest offbrand equivalent) and put them on your toast, the toast can be buttered or not, depending on your preference. and then you eat it. and it tastes good.

love,
luke

18 01 2006
furiavriel

Re: Who’s trick?

it was british styles beans and toast, i picked it up in england. you should definently try it sometime though. you just make regular old baked beans (a laBush’s or the nearest offbrand equivalent) and put them on your toast, the toast can be buttered or not, depending on your preference. and then you eat it. and it tastes good.

love,
luke

18 01 2006
furiavriel

Re: Who’s trick?

it was british styles beans and toast, i picked it up in england. you should definently try it sometime though. you just make regular old baked beans (a laBush’s or the nearest offbrand equivalent) and put them on your toast, the toast can be buttered or not, depending on your preference. and then you eat it. and it tastes good.

love,
luke

18 01 2006
kathrynlena

Re: Nerd alert

nothing like a new outfit to improve one’s self-esteme. i’m glad that bean has his cotelydons during this tenuous recovery stage. i am more sure than ever that he will most definitely recover fully from his chronic depression and go on to lead a successful and stimulating bean life.

p.s. i just read this whole exchage to my roommate, and we decided we want to join your family 😉

18 01 2006
kathrynlena

Re: Nerd alert

nothing like a new outfit to improve one’s self-esteme. i’m glad that bean has his cotelydons during this tenuous recovery stage. i am more sure than ever that he will most definitely recover fully from his chronic depression and go on to lead a successful and stimulating bean life.

p.s. i just read this whole exchage to my roommate, and we decided we want to join your family 😉

18 01 2006
kathrynlena

Re: Nerd alert

nothing like a new outfit to improve one’s self-esteme. i’m glad that bean has his cotelydons during this tenuous recovery stage. i am more sure than ever that he will most definitely recover fully from his chronic depression and go on to lead a successful and stimulating bean life.

p.s. i just read this whole exchage to my roommate, and we decided we want to join your family 😉

18 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

This made me smile one of those very good smiles.

Craig.

18 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

This made me smile one of those very good smiles.

Craig.

18 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

This made me smile one of those very good smiles.

Craig.

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

The more nerds, the merrier!

Consider yourselves adopted. When do you move in?

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

The more nerds, the merrier!

Consider yourselves adopted. When do you move in?

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

The more nerds, the merrier!

Consider yourselves adopted. When do you move in?

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Thanks, Craig. I’m glad. 🙂

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Thanks, Craig. I’m glad. 🙂

19 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Thanks, Craig. I’m glad. 🙂

19 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Man, that’s funny!

Mike S.

19 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Man, that’s funny!

Mike S.

19 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: Where’s dust and sackcloth when you need it?

Man, that’s funny!

Mike S.

20 01 2006
Anonymous

A Definition of Terms Called For!

Define cotelydons, please! Are they something of a hybrid mix of a pantaloon, a boxer brief, and a thong? That’s how I’m picturing them. Katy http://www.fallible.com

20 01 2006
Anonymous

A Definition of Terms Called For!

Define cotelydons, please! Are they something of a hybrid mix of a pantaloon, a boxer brief, and a thong? That’s how I’m picturing them. Katy http://www.fallible.com

20 01 2006
Anonymous

A Definition of Terms Called For!

Define cotelydons, please! Are they something of a hybrid mix of a pantaloon, a boxer brief, and a thong? That’s how I’m picturing them. Katy http://www.fallible.com

20 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Good question, Katy! I deferred your request to the resident bean expert, and he was about to launch into a scientific (i.e., “real”) definition, but I interrupted him. “No, no, no! She doesn’t want that definition. She wants to know how it functions as fashion. Just what do beans wear under their seed coats?”

“Oh,” he said. “In that case, it’s Fruit of the Legume.”

So, there you have it. As for the specific style (pantaloon, boxer, thong), I suppose that varies depending on a bean’s body type and personal taste.

Hope that helps!

20 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Good question, Katy! I deferred your request to the resident bean expert, and he was about to launch into a scientific (i.e., “real”) definition, but I interrupted him. “No, no, no! She doesn’t want that definition. She wants to know how it functions as fashion. Just what do beans wear under their seed coats?”

“Oh,” he said. “In that case, it’s Fruit of the Legume.”

So, there you have it. As for the specific style (pantaloon, boxer, thong), I suppose that varies depending on a bean’s body type and personal taste.

Hope that helps!

20 01 2006
jeannedamoff

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Good question, Katy! I deferred your request to the resident bean expert, and he was about to launch into a scientific (i.e., “real”) definition, but I interrupted him. “No, no, no! She doesn’t want that definition. She wants to know how it functions as fashion. Just what do beans wear under their seed coats?”

“Oh,” he said. “In that case, it’s Fruit of the Legume.”

So, there you have it. As for the specific style (pantaloon, boxer, thong), I suppose that varies depending on a bean’s body type and personal taste.

Hope that helps!

20 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Oh, that helps, all right. Please thank George for not giving me the scientific def! Fruit of the Legume, huh? I think I love him. Katy

20 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Oh, that helps, all right. Please thank George for not giving me the scientific def! Fruit of the Legume, huh? I think I love him. Katy

20 01 2006
Anonymous

Re: A Definition of Terms Called For!

Oh, that helps, all right. Please thank George for not giving me the scientific def! Fruit of the Legume, huh? I think I love him. Katy

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