Uncle Sam can plan his vacation now

12 04 2007

I filed our taxes today. I can’t even tell you how many tedious hours I spent Tuesday and Wednesday preparing them. Am I the only one who wonders if some of those worksheets were designed by a bunch of disgruntled Dilberts as a prank? I imagine them snickering as they hunker over cups of cold coffee devising convoluted obstacle courses we conquer only to land on the same number we started with. If you don’t file your own taxes (or yours don’t involve a Schedule for every letter of the alphabet like mine do), here’s an example of a hypothetical worksheet to find the amount for, oh, let’s say 1040 line 65b. I promise this isn’t much of a stretch:

Worksheet for 1040 line 65b:

Line 1. Write the amount from Form 8825, line 7 here.
Line 2. If you are single, write $15,000 here. If you are married, filing jointly, write $20,000.00 here. If you are widowed but dating again, write $23,476 here.
Line 3. Multiply line 2 by .075 and enter the result.
Line 4. If the amount on line 3 is less than the amount on line 1, and if Schedule D line 15 or 16 is more than zero, write the amount on line 1 here.
Line 5. Write the amount from 1040 line 72 here. Now erase it and write your name backwards.
Line 6. If the amount on Line 4 is less than the amount on Line 1 but more than the price of 2% Milk, write the Gettysburg Address here.
Line 7. You don’t know the price of 2% Milk? Neither does Rudy Giuliani. You’re obviously out of touch with grassroots America. Multiply the amount on 1040 line 38 by 2.47 and write an apology to your Aunt Ethel here.
Line 8. Write the amount from Form 8825, line 7 here and on 1040, line 65b.

As you can imagine, I’m glad to have that behind me for another year. Now I can devote myself to more amusing pursuits. That is, after I write an apology to Aunt Ethel.



10 responses

13 04 2007

This is why i am glad that i will never have to do taxes (ever!)


13 04 2007

How’s the view from La-la-land, Sparky?

14 04 2007

Mom, you’re so funny! So so funny! I love you.


15 04 2007

Thanks, Gracie. I love you, too. Can’t wait to see you (and laugh with you) SOON!


16 04 2007

You see? This is why I read your blog. So that I can snort coffee through my nose. Now where are those paper towels?
Heather G.

16 04 2007

The Tax Man Cometh…

I know what you mean darlin’…that “give to Caesar what is Caesar’s thing can get pretty tedious. If you ask me, George should take you out to a big, fancy dinner for that one!

Much Love,

16 04 2007


You know, turbo tax will do those complicated algorithms for you…but then again, maybe you needed to write that apology anyway. Hopefully you didn’t go through all that pain and suffering to find out that you owed an arm and a leg. That’d stink.

16 04 2007


16 04 2007

Re: The Tax Man Cometh…

I like the way you think. 🙂

16 04 2007

Re: Turbotax?

Yeah. I need to get turbo tax. This whole tax rigmarole got complicated by degrees, so I kept thinking, “I can handle one more thing . . .” After decades of handling one more thing, it’s beyond ridiculous now.

Nope. Didn’t have to give up any body parts. Schedules can be our friends.

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